The other woman

Close-up with KC Ejelonu

Email: Twitter: @kcejelonu

KC Ejelonu QEDMistress… The word alone elicits negative reactions.

Wives despise them and society looks down on them. Mistresses are labeled home wrecker with low morals. But do these women really like their position?

You go on all the social media sites to preach “know your worth” and “don’t settle for less” but you don’t even practise what you preach. Yes, you know I am talking to you.

I am not a saint and I am not looking down on anyone. This article is not intended to judge anyone.

You would agree with me that one of the best things about being in a relationship is the right to claim it publicly and sharing to the world how happy you are right. Don’t you want to flaunt your boyfriend? Or who wants to be in a relationship and still keep it down low? As “the other woman”, you are a secret. It is what it is, and you cannot have what SHE has. At some point all the material things you get from him will get old, and so will you.

In general, men lie and they are driven to say whatever it takes to get what they want such as “you understand me more, that’s why I love you more than my wife.” Really? Do people believe such crap? This is usually a defense mechanism of a philandering man to justify his guilt for having you.

He might feed you with stories about things not working out in his marriage but as the other woman you can never have true peace, and it is a known fact that if a man leaves his woman for you, he will leave you for another woman or cheat on you. What makes you think your position is secured? There are bound to be insecurity and trust issues if you think you can take a man away from his family. So ladies, please get over the sweet talk, the diamonds he buys for you or the shoes and bags.

You cannot demand quality time. You have to constantly settle for stolen moments and attention. Since you are the other woman and everybody hates you so to speak, you might think to yourself “I must excel in this”. Truth is, you had better be good at keeping yourself anonymous or you will be obtaining the mark of the scarlet letter.

I heard a story few months ago about how two young ladies were fighting over a man. Wait for it – they were fighting over a married man. A man who is married with kids, probably at home with his wife while these two young ladies were fighting, insulting each other and calling each other prostitutes.

I read an article on the indie titled “A Warning from a Former Mistress”. It was written by a former mistress who was willing to share her experience.

“I think it is pretty obvious that being a mistress is not somebody’s first choice, but it is a choice. It’s not something that is to be taken lightly. It’s not all thrills and fun on our side. Don’t get me wrong, at times it was…or else nobody would do it. For me I still equate sex with emotions. I don’t know how to separate the two and when I try I fail miserably. So, being in a relationship with somebody who is already in a serious relationship or marriage was hard for me. I hear it…even through the computer…I hear you all asking, ‘Then why the hell did you do it!?’

“That’s a great question; a valid question. I guess it all came down to not being able to control who I cared for. In others it was the pure thrill of it all, being wanted and wanting in return; no real emotions just the thrill. I know…real classy, huh? It’s also because I was terribly insecure and had the lowest possible self-esteem.

“That being said…I typically got involved in affairs because I cared about the man too much to allow him out of my life. I cared about him enough to want him anyway I could get him. I cared about him more than I cared about me or I wouldn’t allow myself to be in a situation where I knew I’d get hurt. It’s not a great place to be…it’s not a fun place to be, to care for somebody who cares more for somebody else.”

A lot of women are misguided into believing that they must receive that love from a man at all costs but love found in the wrong place is ungodly love, it is against the will of God.

So it is not acceptable for a woman to end up as a mistress to any man purely because she is looking for love. The truth is no man can love you like your heavenly father does.

A lot of women who are believing God for their own life partners end up giving up when their dreams seem to be eluding them. They think they have no hope and no future as a single woman so they fall prey to the ungodly advances of the men who take advantage of their situation. These men come with inviting but empty promises for the future, and the women fall for them.

You do not have to.