The annoying question: When are you getting married?

Close-up with KC Ejelonu

Email: Twitter: @kcejelonu

KC Ejelonu QEDI am sure many of us have had to answer the question “when are you getting married?” from family members or friends. It is so annoying when your close friends are getting married and you don’t even have a boyfriend or a potential boyfriend to call your own. That is when everyone around you starts wondering when it’ll be your turn to get married.

I am currently single and it sometimes gets lonely, especially when I come back from work and need someone to talk to. Right now, I am going through a phase where I am more focused on me but I still keep my eyes out for that guy I can’t live a day without for the rest of my life.

There is this young lady I know who does not want to get married because she is scared of spending the rest of her life with one man. The thought of her getting irritated by the things men do – such as not putting the toilet seat down – turns her off. Well, she is the only child and is not used to sharing her space with anyone.

The best advice I give about relationship is that you should never rush into any union. If you rush in, you will definitely rush out of it. Another advice my older friends and mum have given me is that you can never change a man. You can only help him control a bad habit, but you can never change his character unless he is willing and ready to. A lot of women get into or stay in a relationship because they feel they can change the man.

My dad was a smoker, and my mum would always plead with him to stop. He was a smoker when they met. He was still smoking after marriage and after three kids he was still smoking. It got to a point when she knew she could not get him to change or stop smoking unless he was willing to stop himself. I love my parents because they have an amazing sense of humor. One faithful day, my dad thought we were all going to school and he left for work before we left for school. My mum decided we were going to miss school that day, so she took us to my grandma’s house. By the time my dad got back from work, he met a note at home saying we were not going to return until he stopped smoking. Some of you may think she went too far, but she knew how well to handle her husband. There was no need to shout or make noise. She took away what meant the world to him – his kids. She meant no harm because all she wanted was for her husband to live a healthy life and watch the kids grow.

This piece is not meant to discourage anyone who wants to get into a relationship; my point with this is just to encourage women to take their time. Get to know yourself better, invest in yourself, and know what you want in life, in a relationship and in your career. Make sure you know yourself and what you want. Do you want a made man or someone you can grow together with. I love a man who can make me laugh. I love a good sense of humor. I am a hopeless romantic. I don’t need the expensive gifts, as it is the little things that matter that that put a smile on my face.

You have to be emotionally mature before getting into a relationship because it is hard work. I mentioned to a friend of mine that relationships are like dissertations for your final year project. Bob Marley said “the truth is everyone is going to hurt you, but you just have to find the ones worth suffering for”. Men are big babies but it’s a different situation when a man picks on every little thing to fight or argue with you. Things like that tell you if he is emotionally ready.

There are some tricks individuals have up their sleeves when getting to know someone they are considering getting into a relationship with. I will share one of my tricks and I am sure most people can testify that they have done this before. When getting to know a man, I would usually test him by getting him really upset. How he handles the situation says a lot about him.

So, to everyone asking me when am I getting married, my answer is “face your own lane and let me face mine.”

Abi, how you see am?