How to survive a break up

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KC Ejelonu QEDI recently got an email from a young lady who wanted advice on how to survive a break up. Please be informed that I am not an expert, neither am I a therapist. All I know is that a breakup is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fit it. A heartbreak is one of the most difficult things to go through. Trust me, I have been through it myself. Now how I handled my own phase will be different from how another young lady handles it, you just have to find what works for you and you can do it.

While doing my research I came across this quote “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire”. So without further ado, I will show you how to walk through the fire of a breakup with grace and a few regretful text messages as possible.

Let yourself be sad

Now you might listen to a lot of Destiny’s Child or Beyonce songs on male bashing and think you will be alright. Reality check…once you get back in bed to sleep for the night, be rest assured to have some tissue beside your bed. There are some breakups that you will just need to cry it all out, seat on the sofa with some popcorn and ice cream and there are the ones that you are immediately on a date after the break up.

The best advice is let yourself go and let yourself obsess about every little detail of the breakup and relationship, you need the closure, you need to do it for yourself, as this will help you later in future.

Now if it was a short relationship, limit the pity party to just one weekend and if it was a long relationship, maybe five days is all you need. Life waits for no one; you cannot spend weeks having a pity party over a man who has moved on. Like my mama will say, you are blocking the chance for another wonderful relationship by staying indoors having your pity party for too long. I must admit though, I once had a pity party for over three weeks.

How to get back to YOU

Now, the pity party is OVER…if you still have that Beyonce CD in your car or playlist, its time to have a new playlist, something more fun. Listening to Joel Osteen won’t do you any harm.

How to get back to YOU right? Chances are that you were not getting the right amount of sleep when the news of the breakup got your attention and during your pity party. Sleeping does give the mind some rest, I know when I am really upset about something and I am indoors I try to sleep it off. But in this case, you need to have your eight hours of sleep; no man will ask you out on a date with puffy eyes.

Get busy

Do you have a job? This is the time to focus all your energy on that and if you don’t have a job, get yourself a notepad and start writing down all this things you want to do and make sure you adhere to everything on that list. Now is the best time to start making those major career leaps. It is always fun to try something new, if you enjoy reading you could organise a book club with friends or have games night with friends. Getting busy will help you focus on the challenges and adventures in your own life. It will also help to eliminate those moments when you are bored or thinking too much.

Be your best self

Now is the time to start loving yourself. Do you want to go to the spa? Make that booking. Don’t be shy to go alone. You need some quality time alone to enjoy life and love you more. You might not have enough money to pay for a spa treatment, well then visit and there are some nice deals on there…trust me I have tried them to and every weekend I am always on that site searching for new deals…who doesn’t like a bargain huh?

The best revenge for an ex is to look absolutely fabulous. If you listen to Ashanti single titled “Scars” she talks about making sure she is drop dead gorgeous every time her ex sees her so he would want it more and also she would make sure everything is successful with her and let him know he messed up.

Now if your can go through these simple process with success, it is important to keep one thing in mind and that is to have faith, because you will fall in love again.