First Gentleman with Wilson Orhiunu
Email: babawill2000
I am in the results business – the medical business. There is no business like show business but even show business will prostrate and pay homage to the greatest business of them all – the Results Business.
Doctors send out tests and wait for the results. The patients wait for results also but not like the doctors. While the patient battles to be true to their name – ‘patient’, the doctor’s attention goes to the next patient and thus has little need for patience. I have experienced a few colleagues over the years that have been impatient. Hardworking and meticulous but impatient nonetheless.
The wait for the results of the recent Nigerian presidential elections found me being impatient. I waited and waited and couldn’t cope with the suspense that lasted from the starting of voting on the 28th of March till the results were announced on the 31st of March. Out of nowhere pop-ups appeared in my mind- Helon Habila. Waiting for an angel! I thought about my life and discovered I have spent a lot of time waiting.
I started my waiting career in the womb as my delivery date slowly approached. Then I moved on to waiting for end of term results in primary school. In secondary school, we waited for DJs to play our favourite tunes at the school Discos. I did my fair bit of dancing competitions and had to endure the nail biting period when the judges conferred with each other appearing to look serious. The wait was always more arduous than the actual results. Frequent trips to the toilets due to stressed out bladders was the rule. Once the results were announced the bladders received their healing.
My waiting CV is incomplete without mentioning the Bus 88 that ran from Yaba to Shell Club in Surulere. After school you all stood at the bus stop in small groups trying to look cool. It was an opportunity to talk about the girls that waited. Whenever the bus came, dignity went out through the window and friends rushed to get into the bus. Uniforms and school bags got damaged in the process. Why we did not queue for those buses is beyond me! I recall how we once waited in the sunshine ‘shadowing’ (looking at) girls and having really good banter. So good we all bought ice cream with our bus fares and walked the long distance home. Pretty girls in the merry group made the walk enjoyable. I suppose sometimes you give up waiting and make the best of what you have. Talking about girls, Bob Marley sang about not wanting to wait in vain for good reason.
I recall a university friend who had toasted a girl with his monthly allowance and was now in ‘third world’ debt. A few of us supported him with weekly stipends (it takes a whole village to chase a girl na). This girl told our friend that she would confer with her room mates and get back to him in two days to let him know if his application was accepted. The poor chap could not eat for the stress of waiting. The guys were all angry. We felt she was playing too hard-to-get and her room mates who also had had their fair share of Suya (barbecued beef) had made themselves into a kind of ‘INEC’ at the expense of our poor friend (for the toastee made him buy Suya every evening and it was always ‘dinner for six’). In the end we were relieved to get an answer even if it was a ‘No’ in the end. Boy! did we curse her! (but not to her face though). She was so pretty we all wished her for ourselves but we couldn’t tell our friend. He took it bad for four days and was back on his feet chasing the next best thing.
Looking back down the years I recall waiting for scans. You wondered if you were having a boy or a child. Then you waited for the EDD and that first contraction – they usually never came simultaneously.
How can I forget this one, waiting to use the loo? If you have one toilet in your apartment, you would have experienced friends and family members who do their meditation in the loo. No matter how much you bang on the door, they will not be moved.
Is it really worth waiting for anything? Sometimes, the thing comes and it is one hundred percent anti-climax.
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength.
I suppose waiting in Faith is worth it as that kind of waiting builds up the character. Unfortunately a lot of waiting culminated in disappointment. Nonetheless, let’s stay positive and full of faith.
Below are things people have told me they were waiting for:
Guys
I can’t wait to have her
I can’t wait to drive it.
I can’t wait to get a better job.
I am eagerly waiting to get married and have children. I can’t wait to settle down.
Ladies
I can’t wait to get married.
I can’t wait to change my hair.
I am eagerly waiting to get pregnant and have children. I can’t wait for my boyfriend to change (my sister is your boyfriend PDP or APC?).
So how can life get transformed from one long wait into something exciting? Ask Bob Dylan please. When the blowing winds answer this important question, tell me the answer or write a book.
Since I started with INEC I must end with them. I was pleased to hear the election results in the end. However I’ll be waiting like Neneh Cherry and Youssou N’Dour – waiting for twenty-four hours uninterrupted electric power supply. I give Buhari seven seconds to perform. My Patience don go. I need results.
References
Bob Marley. Waiting in vain. Exodus Album 1977. Tuff Gong/Island Records
Neneh Cherry and Youssou N’Dour. Single. 7 seconds.1996. Columbia Records
