We often hear friends wondering whether they’re making the right move in marrying their significant other. The NY Times surveyed what critical questions partners should be asking each other before taking the final leap, and this list of 15 questions is what relationship experts came back with:
1. Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?
I laugh. Naija man discuss who is going to be primary care giver? First he will ask for what does that even mean.
2. Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?
I have witnessed a few couple go through this process. But some hungry girls in Nigeria if they marry a comfortable man, they expect the man to do it all. Before you get a shocker, ladies have this discussion.
3. Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
This got me laughing so hard. NEVER expect a Nigerian man to help you out with maintaining the household. He can pay for the plumber to come do the work. But if they were based in the UK, the land of DIY, you will have to Google how to do that thing if you don’t have the budget for plumber work. Unless you have a very loving husband and you are pregnant then he may help out around the house, but of course he is willing to pay for the maid so don’t get to excited or get your hopes up.
4. Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
Most couples fail to do this, but this is COMPLULSORY even when you are courting. Why wait till when you are about to get married?
5. Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
6. Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
I would say the younger generation are open to this. Can’t say same for the older generation.
7. Will there be a television in the bedroom?
8. Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?
9. Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
Hmmm, again this should be discussed when courting.
10. Do we like and respect each other’s friends?
Most women don’t like their husband female friends, even male.
11. Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
Most Nigerian parents do this a lot, has its advantage and disadvantages though.
12. Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
Most times, sincerely speaking, there isn’t
13. If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
They say “home is where the heart is”.
14. Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?
That’s what marriage is all about, you go through challenges, but with the divorce rate right now couples are not even putting God first, so if you answer YES to this question and you don’t put God first in every situation, be prepared for the worst.
Those that fail to ask each other the above questions may one day find themselves in the centre of an explosive dispute – with much graver consequences than if had you fully shared your perspectives on these topics beforehand.
So, if you and your partner are looking to get married, make sure to ask each other this list of questions first, and hopefully you’ll be able to lay all your cards on the table and clarify any uncertainties between the two of you. If you are able to negotiate and reach a compromise on the above, you’ll be in a great place with your partner.
If these important questions prove helpful to you, share them with your friends, too.