How to be broke

Wilson Orhiunu

First Gentleman with Wilson Orhiunu

Email: Twitter: @Babawilly

I watched Thomas Corley talk about his book Rich Habits in which he mentioned how the rich and the poor differed in their daily habits.

He decided who the rich and the poor were by using a criteria of his creation and asked them questions about what they did daily.  Sometimes, I was unsure if poverty caused some habits or if some habits caused the poverty.

Anyway, if you want to be really broke and are not inclined to sell all you have and send me the proceeds, then observe to do the following.

Never deny yourself anything

Eat to the max and sleep beyond the max. Keep it real always and say whatever comes into your head. Let your fingers run wide on social media and say it as you see it.  Remember the golden phrase, “just saying”.

Never wake early in the morning and worst still never get up to read.  The world is full of too many people with PhDs looking for a job so why bother.  Read your texts messages and if pushed, read a few gossip magazines to keep up with which celebrity has had an implant.  Non-fiction books are boring and have no pictures, leave them for the nerds.  Exercise is for the obsessed who restrict junk food calories to the minimal.  These anorexics don’t know what they are missing!  If it smells good, eat it.

All that Stanford marshmallow experiment about delayed gratification is just a con.  These rich folks who enjoy life daily want us poor folk not to enjoy anything so that we can die and leave our little cash for the rich to gobble up.

Never commit to goals

Why commit your life to a single goal and pursue it with everything in your being?  Life is for living jare. What if death comes knocking before the attainment of the goal?  Why is the ambitious like a greedy maniac?  Why write down life goals?  What a dull and predictable way to live writing to do lists the night before?  Who lives like that?

Nobody knows tomorrow and we have just one life to live.  Enjoy it abeg!

Be generous with your time

Give of your time to anyone who asks.  What else is there to do?  You are not like those deluded folks pursuing dreams that will never materialise are you?

Pop music always in the car and never an audio book is the way to go.  If the reality TV producers need your time give it to them.  Sports programmers and soaps producers have asked nicely for your time so give it up.  After a busy day at work, relax with a warm drink in front of the telly and forget those invites to networking events.  Those jokers don’t know anything about the latest Housewives series.

Teach your kids not to read non-fiction

What is the point in striving for success in a world that does not reward endeavour?  It is all about who you know and not what you know.  Tell that to the kids.  No matter their grades in school, it will never change the hand they have been dealt by being born into your family.  Teach the kids never to aim above their station in life so as not to get disappointed.  Tell them never to volunteer for any worthy cause in the community. That is for the pretentious rich folk who will all die from silver poisoning judging by the congenital spoons in their hands.

Never make happy birthday calls

What profit is there in wishing people well on their birthdays?  What have they done for you lately?  The whole birthday card culture is just a scam to get money out of the poor folks into the hands of the rich who own the companies that make the cards. Now Facebook notifies you about birthdays.  For what?  They do it to drive traffic through their site and make themselves rich at your expense.  Let them keep their birthdays to themselves.

Don’t believe the hype

Sowing and reaping is just hype.  Are you a farmer?  What will be, will be and there is nothing anyone can do to change what is written in the stars.

No matter how hard you work you cannot strike it rich if it is not in your destiny to be rich, so do not stress yourself.

Life-long reading and learning that never ceases is pure vanity and vexation of spirit.

Self-improvement is a myth.  Can one improve himself to the point that he becomes a member of the royal family?

All the motivational teachers are hyping people up and lining their pockets.  No bad habits can make you broke, just bad luck.  Those with bad luck are jinxed from the womb and no matter what they do their legacies will amount to nothing.  Born broke, live cursed and die wretched. It is all in the hands of the gods.