Choosing forgiveness

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KC Ejelonu QEDPeople often believe you are crazy when you bring up the word “forgiveness” especially in relationships. Guess what? When someone hurts you real bad and you say to people “oh I have forgiven him or her” but deep down inside you know that is not true, you are only doing damage to yourself, your present and your future.

Have you ever had that moment when an ex comes back and wants to win you back but hasn’t even accepted that he/she did something wrong whilst in a relationship with you or has never said sorry to you? Now its two things; if you have not forgiven that person be rest assured he/she will treat you the same way they did when you were in a relationship with them, only because you let them do so. But once you have gone through that phase of forgiveness, you will be wiser, stronger and see things clearly in your dealing with the person.

I am currently in that phase where an ex wants me back, but unfortunately that was so last year. Trying to speak with the individual in a state where he can realise his mistake is a mission on its on. Till today I never got an apology, I did forgive him but I asked God to heal me because it wasn’t something I could do on my own.  Funny thing was I also put him in my prayers by releasing him to God. It is normal to do when you remember the past but choose not to dwell on it.

I would like to share a piece written by Joyce Meyer with you. It helped me when I was going through my own phase of the heartbreak and I hope this helps someone out there:

Another way that forgiveness helps is that it releases God to do His work in you. You are happier and feel better physically when you are not filled with the poison of unforgiveness. Serious diseases can develop as a result of the stress and pressure that bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness put on a person. Mark 11:22-26 clearly teaches us that unforgiveness hinders our faith from working. The Father can’t forgive our sins if we don’t forgive other people. We reap what we sow. Sow mercy, and you’ll reap mercy; sow judgment, and you’ll reap judgment. So do yourself a favour—and forgive.

There are still more benefits of forgiveness. Your fellowship with God flows freely when you’re willing to forgive, but it gets blocked by unforgiveness. Forgiveness also keeps Satan from getting an advantage over us (see 2 Corinthians 2:10-11). Ephesians 4:26-27 tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger or give the devil any such foothold or opportunity. Remember that the devil must have a foothold before he can get a stronghold. Do not help Satan torture you. Be quick to forgive.

I also think it’s hard to hate one person but love another. It’s hard to treat anybody right when our heart isn’t right. Even people you want to love may be suffering from your bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness.

Would you like to become more successful at forgiving others? There are practical steps that must be taken. One time I asked the Lord why so many people want to forgive but aren’t successful doing it. And He said, ‘Because they aren’t obeying what I tell them to do in My Word.’ As I searched the Word, I found the following instructions:

1. Decide – You will never forgive if you wait until you feel like it. Choose to obey God and steadfastly resist the devil in his attempts to poison you with bitter thoughts. Make a quality decision to forgive, and God will heal your wounded emotions in due time (see Matthew 6:12-14).

2. Depend – You cannot forgive without the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s too hard to do on your own. If you are truly willing, God will enable you, but you must humble yourself and cry out to Him for help. In John 20:22-23 Jesus breathed on the disciples and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit!” His next instruction was about forgiving people. Ask God to breathe the Holy Spirit on you so you can forgive those who’ve hurt you.

3. Obey – The Word tells us several things we’re to do concerning forgiving our enemies:

a. Pray for your enemies and those who abuse and misuse you. Pray for their happiness and welfare (see Luke 6:27-28).

b. …Bless and do not curse them (Romans 12:14). In the Greek to bless means “to speak well of” and to curse means “to speak evil of.” You can’t walk in forgiveness and be a gossip. You must stop repeating the offense. You can’t get over it if you continue to talk about it. Proverbs 17:9 says that he who covers an offense seeks love.