Hadiza El-Rufai, first wife of former Kaduna State governor Nasir El-Rufai, has said that entering a polygamous marriage was not part of her plan when she got married.
Mrs El-Rufai disclosed this in a post on X on Sunday while responding to a discussion triggered by a lawyer’s announcement that he was taking a second wife.
She said she was raised in a monogamous household, while her husband came from a polygamous background, adding that the subject of polygamy was not discussed before their marriage.
“My husband was raised in a polygamous family, while I, by contrast, grew up in a monogamous one,” she wrote.
“When we agreed to get married, I envisaged a monogamous marriage, even though the subject was never discussed.”
Mrs El-Rufai explained that the marriage later became polygamous based on her husband’s decision, but she chose to remain in it.
“Now I find myself in a polygamous marriage, not by choice initially, but subsequently by choice,” she said.
“I say ‘not by choice initially’ because the transformation of our marriage from a monogamous one to a polygamous one was my husband’s choice and not mine.
“I say ‘subsequently by choice’ because deciding to remain in the marriage was my choice and nobody else’s.”
She also noted that under Islamic law, a woman has the right to leave a marriage without stating a reason, provided she returns the dowry.
“We got married under Islamic law and under that law, a woman reserves the right to opt out of a marriage, even without giving a reason,” she said.
“One condition, though, is that she must return the dowry that was paid to her. Could that have influenced my decision to stay? Because, frankly, by that time, I don chop my dowry clean mouth.”
Mrs El-Rufai further spoke about what she described as benefits she has experienced as the first wife in a polygamous marriage.
“You’ll have more time to focus on your career, your interests and do what you’ve always wanted to do,” she said.
“You’ll have more time for your children. The wahala of in-laws will be divided and shared.”
However, she stated that she could not identify any benefit of polygamy for men and advised individuals to make personal choices that suit them.
Nasir El-Rufai married Hadiza in 1985. The couple met in 1976 at the School of Basic Studies, Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria and later married in Kaduna. Hadiza is a writer and novelist, and they have children together.
Besides Hadiza, the former Kaduna governor also has two other wives, Asia El-Rufai and Aisha El-Rufai.
