Dancer Kafayat Shafau, better known as Kaffy, has spoken about the challenges she faces in the dating scene as a divorcee and single mother.
Speaking on The Honest Bunch Podcast, the 45-year-old revealed that some men are unwilling to consider her for a relationship because of her status.
“I have had someone tell me because I am a single mother he cannot think about dating me because I have two children,” she said.
Kaffy, who ended her marriage to music director Joseph Ameh in 2022, added: “What makes you think a woman that has been divorced is not even the better candidate if she has worked on herself? What is the guarantee that two single people today are not going to be divorced people tomorrow?”
According to her, many people are obsessed with marrying someone “fresh” even though statistics show that most marriages collapse. “About 70 per cent of marriages crash,” she stated.
The dancer also addressed misconceptions about love. “A lot of butterfly in the tummy is a trauma response. Real love brings peace, not butterflies,” she told the podcast hosts.
Kaffy also opened up on her difficult childhood.
According to Kaffy, her parents, Alhaji Shafau and Alhaja Alake Lakonko, were once in the league of business moguls, like MKO Abiola.
“My parents were in the league of MKO Abiola. They were the first people to spray dollar bills at parties. You would hear Sunny Ade and Barrister sing their praises. These people came to our house every weekend,” Kaffy recalled.
However, things soon fell apart. The once-flourishing household faced severe financial difficulties, which eventually forced her father to relocate to London, where he worked as a cleaner to survive.
Kaffy narrated how the hardship took a toll on her upbringing. She recalled enduring long periods without food and surviving by drinking garri for months on end.
“There were many times when we had no food for weeks or months. Hunger is a mentor. If you want the body to sustain on only water, it will. I drank garri for seven months without a break. There was no kwashiorkor,” she said.
She also reflected on how the family’s struggles deeply affected her mother’s mental health. She revealed that her mother would sometimes experience psychotic breaks, blaming her children for her misfortunes.
“She would put all of us in the centre of the house and say, ‘You are the reason why… your destiny should start providing for me because you’re the reason I am not anywhere in my life,” Kaffy recounted.
Despite the hardship, Kaffy went on to build a successful career, breaking the Guinness World Record for the longest dance party in 2006 and becoming one of Nigeria’s most respected choreographers.
